Sunday, December 19

Ahhh, Here Come The New Year's Resolutions!

Not since I smoked a pack and a half of Winston's every day, have I felt this strongly about making a New Year resolution. Getting that smoking monkey off my back took four years of resolutions, some successes and set backs and finally, freedom!

My current monkey is the two-headed over-eating and under-exercising fiend. I think of this monkey all the time and these thoughts just keep creating more monkeys. Keeping these dratted monkeys fed and quiet has become a full time job, not to mention a huge expense in food, expiring gym memberships, molding workout togs and unread "fight the fat" books.

Time to work some resolution into addressing these "challenges" and move on.
Am I ready?

I just took the Psychology Today "eating disorder" quiz and I don't have a mental illness related to eating, that's good, right??? And, like those finicky French who protest the latest grand opening of McDonald's, I'm not fond of burgers and fries. Yay, no fast food addiction! Even better, I can go months without a beer or a Jack Daniels-&-seven and I never drink any other alcoholic beverages. Whew! I don't even have to worry about these three big diet disasters.

But, my mind boggles at the thought of giving up chocolate, ice cream and Lay's cheddar-cheese-flavored potato chips. My brain becomes numb with dread when I consider limiting bread, cheese and ::shudder:: sugar. My whole being rebells at the loss of these food friends. What the hell kind of diet is there that does not include bread, cheese and sugar? Hrrrrr.

I found it! It's the Japanese daily diet. Sounds like the "macrobiotic" diet every good hippie tried, got skinny on and eventually drifted away from after a few reefer binges. No wonder the Japanese are amazingly smart, creative, and thin with glowing complexions. If I changed my thinking, this daily diet would work, but my resolution would have to be incredible to make such a drastic change. Hmmm, something to consider, though.

I also must factor in exercise, the other, almost invisible monkey head. Again, the Japanese seem to have the right idea by making time every day for some basic calisthenics and stretching. They don't worry about being "buff" or "toned", and if Japanese tourists are any indication, they love to walk and take pictures. A resolution to do a half hour of daily stretching, plus walking and taking pictures sounds doable.

The best resolution, regardless of diets and exercise programs is to change my thinking. I'm not a tortured victim dragging these blood sucking monkeys around all the time. Inside my ever expanding form is a lean, flexible and light person with an aversion to monkeys.

I will have dominion over the monkeys, right here and right now. Why wait for New Year's Eve?