Tuesday, December 20

Hope. Progress. Answers.

The Discovery Shop I work in made almost $4,000 in sales of high quality, donated items last Saturday. Scores of shoppers bought used furniture, housewares, clothing, Christmas decorations and much more. Many of them had stories to tell about loved ones who fought cancer and they told of how these warriors won or lost their battles.

We have a Christmas tree in the shop. It is decorated with the names of the survivors or the victims of cancer. So many people are affected by this disease. People from every level of society, every race, and creed struggle with this killer. I am surprised at the lack of bitterness and blame. Most of those willing to tell their stories are in one stage or another of grief, yet they so appreciate being able to talk about their loss and to fill out a small remembrance card and just remember the good times.

Well, as my sainted Mother liked to say, "When your number's up, it's up."

If I can face the end of life with her dignity and grace, I will count myself a success in this life.

May all beings know love, peace and healing.

Thursday, December 1

Through the Mist...

"And lo! the Albatross proveth a bird of good omen, and followeth the ship as it returned northward through fog and floating ice.

And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariner's hollo !

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine ;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white Moon-shine.

The ancient Mariner inhospitably killeth the pious bird of good omen.

'God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!--
Why look'st thou so ?'-- With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS."
-except from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The President's latest speech on the war in Iraq yesterday must have been written by a man channeling Coleridge. It is filled with allusions to evil forces, unimaginable dangers, unimaginable rescues, and false assumptions, foolish actions, disastrous outcomes and fantasies of spiritual enlightenment. Just like Colleridge's classic.

In the poem, the Mariner kills the friendly and beneficial Albotross and then convinces his crewmates that the bird was not good, but evil. This action and the crew's acceptance of it causes disaster and the ultimate destruction of his crewmates and ship. The poem doesn't really explain why the mariner shoots the bird and this is where the poem and the President's speech are so alike.

Bush's "strategy" for the Iraq war is missing two key elements: why and how.

Just the like ancient mariner, he expects the world to somehow understand why he blundered into an invasion that the entire world and almost half of the American public condemned. Even those who support Bush cannot clearly articulate the "regime change" mentality. The "weapons of mass destruction" fabrication was a an idiotic excuse to invade even if the Niger "yellow cake" rumor had been true. Why didn't we invade North Korea first, if that was the primary concern? The Bushites continue to dismiss, diminish and denigrate America's need to know why this administration invaded Iraq. They consistently churn out false propaganda to convince us that the Bushites were right to destroy two countries, thousands of US and coalition military lives, and the American economy. So, we must wade through the "smog of war" and speculate about what is true. Was Bush irritated with the albatross around his family's neck and decide to invade? Were the neocons so misguided that they expected Iraqis to embrace us after we destroyed them in the first Gulf War and abandoned them to a depraved dictator? Did Halliburton and all of the corporate bloodsuckers need a war to increase their profits? All of the above?

The Bush strategy is based in fantasy, just like the tale of the ancient mariner. It's an entertainment. This latest "plan" doesn't bother to explain why America must continue to kill people, bankrupt its treasury and international goodwill for Iraq. It doesn't tell us how America is supposed to accomplish the goal of "victory" over terrorists. It can't. I agree with Murtha that this insane fantasy must end and that we use the one billion dollars a week we spend in Iraq on other more productive and humanitarian approaches to eliminating terror.

After re-reading this poem, I'm struck with the unfairness of fate that the cause of so much destruction is the one who tells the tale. Naturally, this story-teller embellishes his tale with fantasies of redemption and lessons learned, just like the story-teller we listened to yesterday.

Sunday, November 6

Simple Beauty

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." - Ernest Hemingway

A wise family counselor once told me that balance is critical to human health and happiness. She suggested a way to maintain balance in my marriage. When my husband and I arrive home from work each evening, we mention only one "worst" thing and we must find one "best" thing in our day to discuss. This technique clears the emotional "air" and then we move on to the present moment. It really works and some days, we don't even mention the "worst" of our day!

Today, my "Christmas" plant bloomed early! This is one of many wonderful things that has happened today - so far nothing in the "worst" category! (I haven't read the news today, though, and maybe I'll read something else and keep the positive momentum going.)

May all beings know love and peace and see the wonder in simple beauty today!

Friday, November 4

Two Sisters

(Edit - November 4, 2005: Paris is burning. Poverty, rage, and destruction are once again at the breaking point. I remember the 1992 Los Angeles riots and understand how one incident and an incompetent and misguided city government can flare into a full blown riot. It reminded me of what I wrote during that time in Los Angeles and I am sad that change for the better is so slow.)

May 3, 1992
Kathy's Log

As I sit before my computer, bloated from compulsive overeating and barely able to breathe because of compulsive anxiety, I am sad. Heartbroken is too vibrant a word. Sad is better. It is overused in these times. Often replaced with the word "tragic," but expressive of the exhaustion and careless abandon one feels when faced with repetitious suffering. Sad, mad, bad, ....BLAH.

What can one do about the sadness in the world? What can anyone do to prevent or even limit suffering? Both conditions are sisters in the family of pain.
Big sister, "suffering", seems to be eternal and self-perpetuating. Poverty, disease, hatred, violence all make up her limbs and torso. She does not have a brain or heart only a black hole where these vital organs normally reside. All consciousness evaporates or disintegrates as it comes within Suffering's force field. The vacuum of ignorance is the cause and product of this force and it becomes the outward expression of Suffering's brainless, heartless existence.

The soft body of Sadness descends like a blanket over those who first feel the trauma of Sister Suffering. Little Sister, though petite and sometimes pretty, often delivers the killing blow to a conscious, striving being. Like a lovely, translucent jellyfish she floats in the great ocean of pain created by her sister. In order to live, she must paralyze her prey and absorb it slowly. Despair is the lifeblood of Sadness. The slow process she uses to absorb the spirit is fascinating at first. Gently, she probes with depression-soaked fingernails for the soft, painful source of Suffering. She injects a bitterness and self-loathing into the victim and then feeds as the spirit stumbles. Sadness patiently repeats the cycle of fear, depression and despair until the spirit is a mushy, digestible slop. This spirit slop nourishes the Sisters who have grown enormous throughout modern history.

The huge bulk of Suffering and Sadness has grown even larger and more ominous today. It is Sunday, May 3, 1992. Killings, burnings, beatings, looting, hate and fear break the hearts, minds and backs of the people of Los Angeles. Loss of dignity, loss of opportunity, loss of spirit... We've lost our way and now reside in the stifling hole of Suffering and Sadness. There is no comfort or mercy in this hole. It grows deeper as the two Sisters work their terrible sorcery and freeze-dry the residents of Los Angeles. We are paralyzed with fear and pain.

"La, La, La, La, La, La, La ... I love you.. I love you! The Chilites from Chicago wrote LA a love song years ago and it keeps playing in my head tonight. I'm also hearing Randy Newman's song, "I love LA" and these sweet, boistrous tributes slash through the darkness and pain and bring a moment of hope. The morning will come and every day brings choice. The hope that people will choose sanity and love over chaos and hate is all that keeps me going right now.

Final edit at November 5, 2005 - Paris is still burning.

May all beings know love and peace.

Tuesday, October 25

Red Rain
by Peter Gabriel

red rain is coming down
red rain
red rain is pouring down
pouring down all over me

I am standing up at the water's edge in my dream
I cannot make a single sound as you scream
it can't be that cold, the ground is still warm to touch
this place is so quiet, sensing that storm

red rain is coming down
red rain
red rain is pouring down
pouring down all over me

well I've seen them buried in a sheltered place in this town
they tell you that this rain can sting, and look down
there is no blood around see no sign of pain
hay ay ay no pain
seeing no red at all, see no rain

red rain is coming down
red rain
red rain is pouring down
pouring down all over me

red rain-
putting the pressure on much harder now
to return again and again
just let the red rain splash you
let the rain fall on your skin
I come to you defenses down
with the trust of a child

red rain is coming down
red rain
red rain is pouring down
pouring down all over me
and I can't watch any more
no more denial
it's so hard to lay down in all of this
red rain is coming down
red rain is pouring down
red rain is coming down all over me...

"THIRUVANANTHAPURAM, India: The red rain that lashed parts of Kerala last month is eluding explanations as the days go by..."
-India's Red Rain Analysis Report

Today marks a milestone in American history: 2,000 U.S. soldiers have died in the 2003 Iraq War and over 30,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed. The unrelenting and savage bloodshed may be what is contributing to the "red rain" phenomena on the planet these days.

Another bitter milestone in this tragedy is that the Iraqis have a new constitution. While the American press is quietly promoting this event, the British papers have unleashed a double dose of truth on their lucky readers. It is a report based on a secret survey which plainly tells the world that Iraqis want the "coalition" to disappear. Why the Bushites need a survey to tell them what any fool can see is beyond imaging. We've waged TWO wars on them in the past 20 years, killing and maiming hundreds of thousands of innocent people. They hate us because we hurt them. They don't understand the "liberty" trade off that Bush keeps yowling about in all of his boring speeches. They don't want liberty if it means their fathers and sons will be "detained", humiliated, tortured, killed and their women and children left to starve or be blown up. Would any sane person consider that a healthy trade off?

Well, those sane, pragmatic leaders in Iraq who haven't been assassinated, intimidated, corrupted or killed have no choice now. Iraq has been devastated and must be rebuilt and they can't trust Halliburton and Rumsfeld to have the people's best interests in mind. So, I am hopeful that from this rubble and bitterness, something good will survive and thrive.

God give us all the strength to build instead of tear down, to create instead of destroy and to love instead of hate.

Wednesday, September 7

Save the Country
-Laura Nyro

Come on people
Come on children
Come on down to the glory river
Gonna wash you up
And wash you down

Come on people

Come on children
There's a king at the glory river
And the king loved to sing
In the sun -"We shall overcome"

I got fury in my soul
Fury's gonna take me
To the glory goal
In my mind I can't study war no more
Save the people
Save the children
Save the country

In my mind I can't study war
In my mind I can't study war
There'll be trains of blossoms
There'll be trains of music
There'll be music...

Katrina. She exposed the cruel divide between the rich and poor in America. It's a divide that may rival the Grand Canyon if the Republicans push through their next round of tax cuts. These tax cuts reduce funding for programs that benefit the poor and vulnerable. Right now is the time for our representatives, regardless of party loyalties, to stop this tax cut madness.

In January, the CBO proved that tax cuts are the cause of our deficits and without them, we would now have a surplus with which to deal with the billion dollar a week war in Iraq, with the billions needed to save the American Gulf Coast, billions needed to strengthen America's infrastructure, First Responder security forces, health care system and many more priorities. I know the tax cut train is on the track, but where is this track going? Looks like it's headed over a cliff if we do not change directions soon.

Last night, WYNTON MARSALIS was interviewed by Charlie Rose about the effects of this disaster on New Orleans. He addressed accusations of race and class discrimination and did not dispute that America is shocked at the poverty and crime New Orleans has had to endure for decades. His comments were articulate and thoughtful and his bottom line is that Americans can and will survive any disaster, but we eventually lose our resolve to remain united and make the changes needed for a free, healthy and progressive society. We live from crisis to crisis and fall back into complacency and apathy as soon as the crisis passes. No follow up and no resolve.

The Bush Republicans are not even waiting for our complacency to kick in this time. They are so confident that we will look the other way or be distracted by our fear of looters, refugees, the poor and the criminals, they will cut taxes, again, and go play some golf with their corporate sponsors. These corporate sponsors are the same ones that greased the wheels for the new punitive Bankruptcy laws that will put the nails in the coffins of most of the displaced, homeless and jobless.

Our focus must be on the long haul and what must be done to protect and respect all people. This means we care about each other. This means we recognize that the poorest among us is us. We are all one. There is no separation by class, color, creed, geography. We must resolve to remain united and to promote compassionate public policies. We must not let government, media, lies and deception divide us and convince us that we are abandoned and destined to fall.

"The harmony and friendship that we need in our families, nations, and the world can be achieved only through compassion and kindness."
- Dali Lama

May all beings know love and peace.

Saturday, September 3

Another Predictable Cat 5 Disaster...

..for the poor and people outside of Red State America. Chief Justice Rehnquist died of cancer today. Now our Clueless leader, George Dubya, will be able to appoint another neo con, religious right winger. I vaguely recall that the world was supposed to end when President Reagan appointed Rehnquist as Chief Justice in 1986. The world of "big government" and entitlement programs definitely bit the dust, and it is debatable whether Rehnquist assured GWB's first presidential election by allowing the Supreme Court to intervene. For a Justice who's main goal was to return power to the States, his support of GWB's request to have the Supreme Court intervene in the Florida recount was startling and hypocritical. As bad as he was, he looks good compared to what Bush has up his sleeve.

Right now, with millions of displaced Southerners raging against the Bush administration's policy of "slow" response to domestic crisis issues, more layoffs and another banner year for poverty statistics, any sane person would conclude that the Repugnantans will never get elected or re elected again, but they now have the majority in the House, the Senate, the judiciary and the Executive Branch. That's power. This week we witnessed the arrogance of that kind of concentrated power, It is slow, ponderous, out of balance, self-serving and not accountable to anyone anywhere in the world.

Unless the Red Staters wake up and smell the napalm, America's decline into the "third world" will be complete in my lifetime.

Pray hard for peace, healing and intelligence in these troubled times.

Wednesday, August 31

Dark Days on the Planet - (Shock and Numbness)

Katrina tried to kill New Orleans. She almost succeeded. I am thankful that millions had the courage and foresight to leave the kill zones in the American Gulf Coast and find safety elsewhere. Thousands of those left behind, many of them too poor, too old and sick, too crazy to leave, are now among the dead and missing. Contribute money to the Red Cross and prayers for those suffering through this terrible disaster.

(Edited - Sept. 9, 2005: Here's a good story about those displaced by Katrina from the LA Weekly.)

And, while we're at it, we must continue praying for the health, safety and sanity of the Iraqi people, over 800 of whom were killed in a fearful stampede today.

May all beings know love and peace.

Wednesday, August 24

Words and Intentions

“In the beginning was the Word. and the Word was with God, and the Word is God.”
- John 1:1 – The Bible

Crash! I bumped against a table in the dark living room and knocked over a small ornament which broke against the floor.

“My mother says you can’t come over anymore because you’re clumsy,” my friend explained.

I was four or five years old and that comment started a spiral of doubt and fear that persisted for months - an eternity in the life of a small child. During those months, I developed a reputation among the neighbor kids of being rambunctious and careless in their homes.

For a time, everywhere I went, I dreaded breaking things. This dread was almost a physical presence that went before me, knocking against fragile furniture, dumping figurines, blinding my eyes so I walked into walls and people. The situation became so terrible that I avoided visiting my best friend who lived in a house stripped of breakables and perfect for kids like me. I became a lonely and sad child and one day I asked my mother to explain the word, “clumsy.”

She gave me the dictionary definition of the word and I remember that it didn’t make any sense to me. I remember her face those many years ago and I know today, that she was aware of my reputation as a clutz and wanted me to change but she did not want to hurt my feelings. So, she explained that a clumsy person is not bad, but someone who needs to pay attention to what they do with their hands and feet. This is my first recollection of self awareness.

Because of her focus on awareness, I was able to train myself to walk slowly and hold my hands together in my friend’s houses. I avoided touching anything unless someone gave it to me. My losing streak diminished and my reputation improved. I was welcome in houses, again, but the effort to restrain my natural curiosity and energy was intense. To this day, I prefer uncluttered and spacious places and feel most comfortable in sturdy and indestructible environments.

I recall this time in my life because I am thinking about the power of words. The word, “clumsy”, delivered in such an unloving way, defined my young life. I was the word. It had negative power in my life and until I chose to understand the word and challenge its power, my losing streak or downward spiral continued.

Today, I read this:

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time."
- Pat Robertson, on his TV show, "The 700 Club"

Robertson has not yet learned the lesson I did when I was five years old. He knows about the power of words and the lessons of “mind over matter” but he persists in spreading the lie that words do not matter. Instead of taming his “wild mind” and speaking his word for good, he speaks his word on a worldwide television show for harm. His words unleash the power to harm. This is not right and no quibbling over semantics makes it right.

The hallmark of American political discussion in today’s “freedom fries”, pseudo-patriotic debate is a blatant disregard for the power of words. Bushisms, including the divisive “axis of evil” speech, Rumsfeld's, “old Europe” thoughtless toss-off, Karl Rove's smear campaigns. and Rush Limbaugh's barrage of logical fallacies create a filthy smog of deception and fear. Robertson is right at home in this environment and he knows he will not get any censure from the White House for his vicious words. Right now, the American spin machines are working overtime to dismiss, deride, and deny the impact of Robertson's latest blurt of hate.

When I hear these people speak thoughtless words of hate and violent intention, I feel that same downward pull into fear and self doubt that I experienced as a “clumsy” child. I know that if the careless words of a neighbor can cause harm, the malicious words of a world leader are a thousand times more damaging.

“The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth.”

- Don Miguel Ruiz from “The Four Agreements”

Friday, August 19


One of the highlights of my summer was A Night With Concord Records at the Hollywood Bowl. It was magic. The Gary Burton Quartet, the Latin Jazz All-stars with Poncho Sanchez, Patti Austin, Billy Preston, Quincy Jones, Dianne Shur, and all of the fine instrumentalists in the Concord Jazz Band itself were sublime. This experience rekindled my interest in jazz and improvisation.

Another and more somber news item is that Michael Brecker is ill. He needs a bone marrow or blood stem cell transplant very soon, so he can recover his health and continue to write and play his sublime music. I didn't realize he has won eleven Grammies and numerous other awards over this musical career. I am thinking peace and healing for Michael.

May all beings know love and peace.

Monday, August 15

Another Brick in the Geek Walll!!!

The Internet Archive is offering vintage cartoons, many of them classics like "Minnie the Moocher" featuring Betty Boop and Cab Calloway(see above). I love Betty's NYC accent and Calloway was such an amazing performer. Hours of fun!

What strikes me about these old cartoons is the quality. Everything is original, including the story, drawings, music and voices. Everything is high quality. And, many of the cartoons are scary. Apparently, the Great Depression and World War II created a paranoid and dangerous background for these gems.

Don't you just love how culture embraces humor no matter what is going on in the world. Laughter and art combined in cartoons is a geek paradise!

Thursday, August 11

Photo of Mussolini meeting Hitler

Photo of US troops listening to political speeches

Special Day - "Una Giornata Particolare"

Last Tuesday, the Pentagon announced that the government is sponsoring a parade, concert and a day of pro-war events to mark the fourth anniversary of the September, 11, 2001, carnage. This news has my head spinning.

"Whatthebleep?," was my first reaction.

"Hmmm, maybe it's not such a bad idea... Wait, rattling sabers and mouthing useless and misleading platitudes is always a bad idea," was my second reaction.

And then... I reverted to my cinema roots and recalled an exquisite and under recognized film, "Special Day," that I had seen many years ago. When I saw the photo of attentive troops in "The News Blog" where I first learned about this upcoming extravaganza, I remembered another scene of senseless pageantry from this film. I believe it's the final scene where Sophia Loren joins her family in attending the government sponsored event to celebrate Mussolini's meeting with Hitler in pre World War II Italy. She had just spent a rather harrowing and instructive day with her homosexual neighbor played by Marcello Mastroianni where the truth of humanity and the hype of propaganda were exposed. I need to rent or buy this video and see it again. Not only is it a masterpiece of cinema but it conveys a timeless message of compassion with verve and charm.

Anyway, enough of my cinema digressions. Will I participate in the "The Freedom Walk" to support sending more troops to Iraq? No. It makes no sense. The propaganda machine is still trying to link Iraq to 9/11, even when every investigation says Al Quaeda and our own mistakes are the culprits.

May all beings know love and peace.

Wednesday, July 27

Heat Wave

There is another word for refreshing: watermelon.

I've never been a watermelon lover, until last week. The Los Angeles area and much of the United States is suffering from heat prostration! Temperatures in the East San Fernando Valley climbed into the 90s, and if that isn't bad enough, humidity has been really high. So, instead of living in a fairly pleasant, smog saturated metropolis, we now live in hell-on-earth, particularly for anyone who likes clean air and hates sweating. Out of desperation, I bought lots of fruit and juices and miracle of miracle a delicious watermelon. It's the antidote for heat and pretty cheap too! Try it and survive the heat wave.

May all beings know love and peace and watermelon

Friday, July 22

"Security" vs. Privacy

"Periodically revisiting the Patriot Act is a good thing," said Rep. Martin Meehan, D-Mass. "The Patriot Act was an effort to answer the most difficult question a democracy faces: How much freedom are we willing to give up to feel safe?"

But... are we more secure? This is the bottom line question that I am asking today. (Update: Here's the latest news story that illustrates why it is useless to suspend the civil rights of all American's in the pursuit of terrorists.)

There is some discussion in some of the blogs about this issue and comments made by wetzel in The Daily Kos referencing the Fourth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution summarize my personal anxiety about the passage of this Act. Congress together with the States can amend the Constitution and modify or eliminate the Fourth Amendment and there is a process by which changes can be made. The Patriot Act does not conform to this process and only made sense because it was a "temporary" war time measure which would not be necessary once the 9/11 terrorists were caught and reasonable order established. Supposedly, America's terror wars were won in Afghanistan and Iraq once the people elected their own leaders. So, why should draconian measures continue here in America? Dumb question. America is now engaged in perpetual warfare against "terror." Just like the poor, terror will always be with us.

There are those who say that any law abiding citizen is immune from these draconian anti-"terror" measures. When I ask them to run down the anti-terror laws or any federal law that would cause the FBI or US military to interfere with my right to privacy, they are as stumped as I am. They say to trust the government and chill. I have to remind them that we are the government and if we can't figure out what actions or reactions cause a law abiding citizen to be labeled a bad guy and jailed, then something is very wrong with how we govern ourselves.

Saturday, July 9

One True Love….

“To me there is no difference between one person and another; I behold all as soul-reflections of the one God. I can't think of anyone as a stranger, for I know that we are all part of the One Spirit. When you experience the true meaning of religion, which is to know God, you will realize that He is your Self, and that He exists equally and impartially in all beings. Then you will be able to love others as your own Self.”
- Parmahansa Yogananda

On the morning of July 7, 2005, three tube bombs exploded in London, England. At last count, 49 people were killed, 15 people critically wounded and hundreds injured in this destructive and senseless attack.

Throughout the day of June 7, 2005, three bombs exploded in Hawija, Iraq, killing 18 people. Nine people died in Baghdad in a bomb blast and assassinations, and across the nation 67 people were injured critically in violent attacks,

On any given day in Sudan, Africa, hundreds die of thirst, starvation, civil war fare and murderous strife.

There are two elements that distinguish one account from another: geography and time. One element is the same: hate. If you remove all three elements from these accounts, you realize that people are dying. That is fact and truth.

When you boil it all down, the truth is often hard to accept because it is so unemotional. What causes me to feel so passionate about the loss of life in London, and so detached about the loss of life in the Sudan?

I am studying “A Course In Miracles” and just last week, we were discussing the concept of “special relationships” and unconditional love. As our group leader states routinely, ACIM teaches us to shift our perceptions away from human ego and toward divine love. I have not wrapped my mind around a lot of the teachings in this course yet, but I do show up and I have absorbed enough of this study to recognize the truth of such “shifts.”

The most difficult shift for me is away from conditional love to unconditional love. ACIM and many other philosophies and religions teach that love of oneself and one’s neighbor must be constant and without exception for it to be love. Sounds like a good idea until your neighbor throws trash in your yard or works on his Harleys at midnight or has a dog named Lacey that barks constantly, or straps a bomb on his body and tries to kill you. How do you or I deal with these intrusions, irritations and threats? We want to make them go away. It is a basic human response to “fight or flee.” The urge to throw as much if not more trash in the neighbor’s yard, or to assist in the neighbor’s Harley repairs with a well placed monkey wrench, or to vaporize the barking dog, or crush the smoldering bones of the suicide bomber into a greasy spot is primary.

According to ACIM, this urge is ego. The human ego creates separation and chaos to replace unconditional love. It comes from a place of guilt and fear – an absence of love. Like a dark spiral, it manufactures what it needs to continue its existence. So, we accept love of the “good” neighbor and “hate” of the bad neighbor, and love of those that like us and hate for those that are different, and love of our tribe and hatred of other tribes; and we have an earth that is like a black hole of guilt, fear, destruction and hatred.

“Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them. This is why they shift and change so frequently. They are not based on changeless love alone. And, love, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect. In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships (which you have chosen) to support the ego, as learning experiences that point to truth. Under His teaching every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”
-Chapter 15, Section V, paragraph 4 – “A Course In Miracles”

So, where is the lesson in love in the London bombings, in Iraq, in Sudan, in the actions of our inconsiderate and/or dangerous neighbors? I can only speak for myself when I say that I have learned a little bit more about the trap of “special relationships” and how the ego-centered public or media lure us all into the trap. The ego likes to ask the question, “why”, implying that there is an answer where none exists. It likes to delve into the illusions of the past and the future where hate and fear thrive. It avoids the present moment. This moment is everything.

I remember the terrible train wreck in Glendale, California, last winter which killed eleven commuters and injured scores of others. On the side of a train door, a man who thought he was going to die wrote in his own blood, “I love my kids.” (See Photo Gallery 2, Photo 12) He did not want to waste that moment with blame, hate, regret. His moment was filled with love.

People are dying. People are killing. Each has an umbilical cord to a universal, immutable, eternal energy of unconditional love. Some are connected and some have lost their connection. The source is always there and available to everyone. The lesson for me is to remain connected, moment by moment. If I remain connected to the source of unconditional love, I have faith that solutions to problems will come from this same connection. Whether the solutions are “fight or flight” or any human activity in between, they will be compassionate and create balance.

"May all beings know love and peace."

Tuesday, July 5

Bless the Teachers...

"By learning you will teach; by teaching you will understand."
-Latin Proverb

What happens when you die? Is it painful? Do you see loved ones who have died before you in heaven or on "the other side?" Is anyone ever ready to die? Are there signs or warnings that life is about to end. Does life truly end?

My father asked these profound and terrifying questions a little over two years ago. He was too ill to read and absorb the many answers found in books. Instead, he entered a hospice program. Instinctively, he knew that people who see life end day after day, must have the answers and he was right. Not only did he learn by asking the hospice chaplain the hard questions, but he told us about the answers. He shared this exploration of death with us in an often intellectual and sometimes emotional way that is forever impressed in my psyche as a gateway to profound secrets.

Knowlingly or unknowingly, he lived the proverb above, and not just at the end of life. He was a teacher and guide and explorer throughout his life. Bless him and all those who teach what this life is all about by living a loving, giving, caring life and sharing life with us.

May all beings know love and peace.

Thursday, June 30

Here We Go Again....

"Esposito: You have a chance to die for freedom.
Fielding Mellish: Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you're dead, it's a tremendous drawback to your sex life."
-quote from
"Bananas" - a film written and directed by Woody Allen

I love, "Bananas", Woody Allen's second movie. It is wacky and silly and serious. The serious part is that this film reflects a time when Americans thought of Central American countries as "banana republics" owned by Dole and other meglo-agobusinesses.

Times have not changed, obviously. The lack of public discussion and debate about the administration's Central American Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA-DR) is almost as sparse for this monumental undertaking as it was in ramming the Patriot Act through our Congress. At least the Patriot Act has a "sunset" provision which requires Congress to re-approve or eliminate provisions of the Act this year. CAFTA does not have it. In fact....

"..,A free trade agreement would be reciprocal, and without a limited term, unlike current statutory trade preference laws, assuring all partners of a long-term outlook that will strengthen North American cooperation with Central America," says President Bush in this White House press release from 2002.

I would hope (erm..make that pray) that Congress includes a sunset provision in this Agreement to protect us from endless corporate greed and exploitation. How does Central America feel about this "agreement?" It is hard to find any news about Central America in the American press, but this article suggests that people in some of those countries do not want to go back to the status of a "banana republic."

Wonder if Woody Allen is considering a "remake" of his 1971 film. That might be the only information the American public gets on this issue.

May all beings know love and peace.

Tuesday, June 28

Her Love is Here To Stay...

One of my earliest musical memories is of my Mother singing, "When Sunny Gets Blue," along with Johnny Mathis. I think we had a turntable, or it could have been on the radio. Either way, she loved that song and sang it beautifully.

She also liked George Shearing. Once or twice, during the hot Phoenix, Arizona, summers, our family would head north toward our cabin in Sedona for a little break from the oven called, "the valley of the sun." It was a hot, cramped car ride of two or three hours with no stops unless someone was desperate to pee. In those days, there were few gas stations and cafes on the way up and using them was always a challenge. Once the car pulled up to our little "A" frame cabin near Red Rock Crossing, we'd fling the doors open, and disappear until dinner time.

After dinner, the parents would break out the turntable and play Johnny Mathis, George Shearing, and a few other records while we played cards or board games like "Life" or "Monopoly." There was no television reception and barely any radio reception either. I remember really loving the song, "Canadian Sunset," played by the George Shearing quintet. It seemed filled with color and depth and my mother's beautiful voice.

She made life special with her compassion, style, grace and love. Her life was a love song.

"May all beings know love and peace."

Sunday, June 26

This is Good!

It's been over a week since I saw "Batman Begins." It was a wild and wonderful ride at the time, and I'm still experiencing flashbacks! I won't rehash the reviews. Moviegoer, Jarrod, and I pretty much agree on the pros and cons of this movie with the main con being Katie Holmes. Nice, girl-next-door personae, but zero romatic vibe.

Have some fun. Go see Batman!


Wednesday, June 22

Respect The American Flag!

The Republican Congress is at it again. They passed this bill to protect Americans from those vicious flag-burners. Apparently, we must bow down and worship the flag instead of what it represents.

Do you think George Washington or Benjamin Franklin would approve of displaying the flag on a man's dick and then turn around and condemn protesters for burning the flag? This bill is just another corporate brick in the wall separating citizens from a government by the people and for the people. Why don't these corporate Congressmen simply replace the flag's stars with the Texaco symbol and update those boring stripes with curvy golden arches. At least it would put an end to the hypocrisy.

Update: Here's an interesting angle on this non-issue from Scalzi!

"But, today I weep for my country." - US Senator Robert Byrd, March 19, 2003

Sunday, June 19

Forget Me Not

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself." - Joseph Campbell

My husband and I finally decided to get our passports after procrastinating for months. I called a passport application number and they told me to make an appointment at our local post office and to complete the new passport application that is available on-line. One part of the application asks for the birth dates, birthplaces, middle names, etc., of our parents. Fortunately, I have personal information about my folks handy, but Jay had to call his mother and get the information directly from her. He is lucky his Mom is in good physical and mental health and she gave him the personal information about her and her ex husband without blinking an eye!

She is our only living parent. Both my parents have passed away and his Father passed away from an asthma attack in the mid 1980s. Many more of the amazing people who were born during the first few decades of the Twentieth Century are passing on. It is a sad privilege to witness their passing. I've noticed that they have one thing in common: the desire to tell their stories before they leave the planet.

The "pre-boomers" were born at the end of the the Industrial Revolution. Their parents lived in a time when people farmed, rode horses, sailed ships and made things by hand. Assembly lines, trains, electricity, telephones were new and, though these things were available, our parents and grandparents lived in a time when many people still used kerosene lanterns, rode horses, and communicated by letter and word of mouth. Jay's parents had relatives who served in America's Civil War, most of my ancestors immigrated from Ireland or Germany and were part of the cheap labor pool that built this nation. Our parents and grandparents witnessed and survived the economic collapse of America during the late 1920s and 1930s and they participated in two world wars. They were very familiar with self-sacrifice, making do with less, and being grateful for blessings that many people take for granted today.

Each experienced these wrenching and unprecedented changes, and each has a different and fascinating story to tell. My Mother's childhood was bitter and her life with my Father was hard but sweet. She shared her secrets with me and told of early days filled with bootleggers, artists, a horrible accident and survival. My Father's childhood was more secure but filled with families in the street, union organizing and strife, religious bigotry, music and survival.

There is a reason why some historians call these survivors “The Greatest Generation.” A common thread that runs throughout each of their lives is their devotion to family and their willingness to sacrifice to keep their families going during the hard times and the good times. The personal stories of Geraldine and Vincent are filled with challenges, failures, successes, love, spirit, music, education, children, friends, travel, and much more. I will not forget them.

Love each other - "Vincent Ryan"

Thursday, June 16

(Thank you , GWH, for this amazing Bday Greeting! )

You Say It's Your Birthday....

...It’s my birthday too yeah!
They say it’s your birthday.
We’re gonna have a good time.
I’m glad it’s your birthday.
Happy birthday to you!!

Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
Yes we’re going to a party party
I would like you to dance! (birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance! (birthday)
I would like you to dance! (birthday)

...and so on"
- Beatles - The White Album

There is something about birthdays! Today, Southern California was rocked by a 4.9 earthquake (Big Whup :-p). We got a bill from our tax accountant for our March tax preparations - how did I forget to pay that bill?? And, I am speechless (yes, GWH, a rarity) with happiness and so grateful for the family and friends who remembered my birth today!

I lift my tumbler of Jack Daniels and 7Up to you all and in honor of my Irish roots (heritage that is, buddda boom) I salute you: "May you live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live." - A Celtic Blessing

With that thought in mind, let's party! Here's a funkadelic groove, "Empire Funk", courtesy of DJ ebot at eclectivision guaranteed to make you shake your money maker :-))

(Hint: If you want to listen while browsing other links, click on the "open links in new window" box in the upper right hand column - Enjoy!)

Wednesday, June 15

One Free Minute

Just found an interesting link. It's a communications "sculpture" called One Free Minute. The idea of this mobile performance art piece is to allow anyone who can dial a phone to give a one minute speech on any topic. I listened to the most recent speeches and they are fascinating. There are many who voice political objections to the war, the administration and repression in general. The ones that bypass the brain and go straight to the heart are those expressing true human emotion: love, confusion, loss. Very powerful stuff. Maybe I'll make a phone call!

May all beings know love and peace!

Saturday, June 11

June Gloom

It's here again with a vengeance. It's the dreaded June gloom, a marine layer of cool, cloudy air that clashes with the heat of Southern California's dry land. Everyone talks about it as if this weather pattern is new and alarming. We Angelenos have a very short memory when it comes to dreary weather until about the second week of this phenomena and then we remember that the same thing happened last year. Why didn't we schedule our Hawaiian vacation in June!

Well, later this afternoon, the weather cleared a bit and we decided to see how Pasadena's doing lately. Just got back from having dinner at Parkway Grill in Pasadena - excellent seafood tonight. Colorado Street was busy but not packed. Ahem, not packed with people, that is! It was packed with obnoxious Hummers. Watching these behemoths parallel park was pretty funny until we got behind one! What a nightmare.

On the way back home, we passed by the old Colorado Street Bridge! What a gorgeous place and one of the few well-preserved historical sites in the area. A fundraiser is scheduled for July 16, and I'll miss it. One of these days, I'm going to find a place to photograph this bridge and maybe nearby Eagle Rock, too. I'm so glad someone had the foresight to preserve these great places.

May all beings know love and peace - even the Humvee owners!

Monday, June 6

It's Legal to Swill Alcohol, Smoke Cancer Sticks...

...consume genetically altered produce, breathe toxic fumes in our polluted air, drink water from our polluted lakes, purchase and use semi-automatic weapons and handguns that are designed to kill and injure people, but we cannot use unregulated, untaxed and non-profit marijuana for our own, personal medical use. Link to latest senseless idiocy.

Why? As I've pointed out above, Americans are constantly subjected to health hazards more damaging than the minor toxicity of marijuana smoke, so I have ruled out any concern for the health of Americans. I had thought that the legal aspects of this issue were a "no brainer" where the feds would continue the ban but states could regulate the substance as they see fit. The "interstate commerce" element that the feds might have a leg to stand on isn't even part of this particular case.

I realize that there are many things banned by the feds and allowed by states and vice versa and somehow these issues are resolved reasonably. Why, then, is the right to grow your own medical marijuana in a category by itself? Or is it?

If you or someone you love.... might have an answer or opinion, I'd welcome a bit more info on this one.

Edit and Update: Hmmm, not much blogbuzz on this issue right now. Here's a link to an old article written by Jonathan Adler. I bet he's disappointed with this decision. Here's a rant from Digby which is similar to my own, but much more understandable.

Probably the most in-depth and interesting commentary is on MetaFilter . Some of the commenters stress that pot is not what this decision is all about. It's about the mysterious "Commerce Clause" in the US Constitution. Here's an example:

"..,The ruling had little or nothing to do with weed. Ruling in favor of the medical marijuana in this case would also have had the effect of undermining the Civil Rights Act and other good laws where the federal government regulates things that "affect" interstate commerce. The feds bust medical growers under the same provisions that force businesses to admit black people."

More to come....

May all beings know love and peace... especially the poor women who filed the medical marijuana case with the US Supreme Court!

Saturday, June 4

Blue Orchids

Inspired by The White Stripes latest CD adventures!

May all beings know love and peace and interesting music!

Monday, May 30

The Cost of Freedom

"As we look across these acres (i.e., Arlington National Cemetery), we begin to tally the cost of our freedom, and we count it a privilege to be citizens of the country served by so many brave men and women. And we must honor them by completing the mission for which they gave their lives, by defeating the terrorists, advancing the cause of liberty, and building a safer world. "
-George W. Bush, 43rd President of the USA

These are the words of a man that never had to fight and kill someone in battle.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron. "
-Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the USA

These are the words of a man who fought and killed human beings in battle.

The arm-chair warrior focuses on rhetoric and the battle seasoned warrior focuses on reality.

Reality is not patriotic. Reality is survival. How can a species survive if it continually engages in senseless killing. During this holiday, Americans remember their war dead and miss them. Do the families of soldiers killed in battle find solace in knowing these fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, cousins died doing their duty? Do they ever really think about their loved ones in terms of duty?

For me, the Memorial Day holiday, is a time to remember humanity's promise and potential. It is a time to realize that only love can cure the social cancer called war. Only love can increase the peace and someday eliminate this holiday.

"May all beings know love and peace."

Friday, May 27

Dangers of a Plastic World

I was sifting through the news sludge this morning and came across a fairly alarming report about the toxic effects of plastic on baby boys. Apparently Harvard and other universities support the way the research was done and conclude that the findings are worth taking seriously.

Not too long ago, I realized that my buddy, my pal, my desktop PC delivers some nastiness in the form of PBDEs. The chemicals used to retard flames in the circuit boards, cables, covers, etc., of computers, televisions and most electronic devices are health hazards. These plastic components heat up and throw off vast quantities of very nasty toxins that have been linked to lymph, liver and stomach cancers.

There are unseen dangers in the modern world's obsession with convenience and technology. I don't think they are avoidable, however.

I remember considering the pros and cons of Pampers vs. cloth diapers before my son was born. I was very health conscious and had stopped smoking, drinking, using any medications and ate only organic foods. The thought of feeding my baby formula instead of breast milk or using plastic diapers instead of cloth diapers was horrifying!

The morning after I gave birth, the nurse brought my baby in for his first feeding and I struggled with that process for a while. She showed me how to change a diaper shortly thereafter and I noticed she used Pampers.

"Don't you have any cloth diapers for the newborns?" I asked.

"Only Pampers, and you'll find you really don't want to use anything else," she advised.

I stuck to my guns and used cloth diapers for the first three months. When our little family became chronically mobile, living in and out of motels over the next couple of months, I used that as an excuse to switch to the more convenient and less messy Pamper diaper. The "fight or flight" gene which has protected humanity throughout the ages gave me a weak signal that this path was not healthy, but I ignored the twinge and joined the herd. I never did use formula, though.

I wonder how our race will function and what we'll look like a hundred years from now. Best to live in the present and reaffirm the need for a more organic lifestyle. Can't hurt!

May all beings know love and peace!

Thursday, April 28

No Child Left...

Which do you think is more important to Americans: 1) security from terrorist threats, or 2) making sure the next generation is fed and clothed?

To me, they are both security issues, but one is a media star (9/11) and the other is a media disaster (hungry American kids). Our corporate media is constantly fear mongering and so many of us are more familiar with an estimated 1,000 terrorist extremists who have the demise of America as their goal. Because grinding poverty, hunger and neglect tend to depress us, the media keeps these issues on the back burner. The only "children's issues" we regularly hear about from our newspapers and TV are kiddie porn and obesity! So you pick the winner in the funding contest!

Our elected representatives are now debating these issues as they get ready to pass another massive budget. Because the Republicans control Congress, I am about 99.9% sure they will vote to fund "security" projects that are supposed to protect us from terrorists and will slash funding for the next generation. That seems to be the feeling of the Children's Defense Fund leaders who have put together this alert and article.

Current articles on how American kids have been doing over the past ten years are positive. They suggest that kids commit fewer crimes, smoke fewer joints, drink fewer beers and have fewer babies out of wedlock. America's children are more spiritual and community minded and are shaping up to be better citizens for the Twenty First Century! Why? The article suggests that a better economy helps. More cops on the street is a plus. Parents are more experienced about drugs and their effects and less tolerant of drug experimentation. The only dark side is that more of our kids live below the poverty line and are obese. The sections of the budget which continue economic growth, community based policing, drug prevention programs and government assistance for the poor are under attack.

The Bushites want to fund increases in defense by totally eliminating entire sections of help for the poor. Clinton has already slashed entitlement programs to the bone and now Bush wants to completely eliminate them. Bush and his corporate sponsors believe in the "sink or swim" economic philosophy and many of America's child advocate groups predict thousands of kids will simply sink. With a corporate media intent on advertising profits, the only way we'll know whether our kids are dying of starvation, disease and neglect is to see them on our street corners. For those who choose to exist in gated communities, even these signs of trouble will be avoided.

It will be interesting to see the effects of the Bush presidency on America's children ten years from now. Nothing surprises me anymore (UPDATE: The repugnantans pushed this budget atrocity through today) - so I can only hope that everything will work out well for us all.

May all beings know love and peace... especially our precious children!

Friday, April 15

Time to Cut the Card....

I used to like credit cards. They were convenient. They gave me a feeling of security in case of emergency. They were easy to get and use.

All that has changed as of Thursday, April 14, 2005. The Bushite controlled Congress has lowered the hammer on Americans by passing the Bankruptcy Reform Bill. Read about it and weep. Anyone who ever doubted that Republicans favor corporate control of America better wake up. Or, maybe they are awake and think that Wells Fargo, Enron, and Ford Motor Company can do a better job of protecting and serving American citizens than non-partisan, government bureaucracy.

Hmmm, can corporations do a better job of running America? Let's step back and assess the landscape over the past five to ten years. The energy corporations worked with (i.e., controlled) the energy deregulation experiment in California and created the worst energy crisis since I've moved to this state in 1975. Then they gouged the hell out of the State government which had to step in at the last minute and buy energy from these bastards at premium prices just to keep the lights on in California. Corporations failed the public, delivered record profits to their shareholders and robbed their employees of their pensions. They are incapable of providing goods and services for the public good. They are tasked with providing profits to their shareholders at any cost, even if it means robbing their own employees of their pensions. They have no business controlling utilities.

Okay, so maybe corporations aren't good at delivering utilities such as electricity, gas, water, etc., but aren't they efficient at delivering goods and services. The answer is yes. They find the simplest, most convenient method of delivery and have created many innovations and lifestyle enhancements. Much of this innovation is caused because they need to market better than their competitors. Then again, when corporations have a stranglehold on government, necessary innovations do not occur.

The oil industry has a stranglehold on US government. Over the past few years, federal environmental barriers have been removed so the auto industry can create super sized and totally ridiculous vehicles that guzzle the gas. SUVs dwarf the landscape and every family has one. When gas was cheap, no problem. Now that American's are locked into their SUV lifestyle, time to lower the hammer and raise gas prices to $3. The oil industry is raking in record profits and have coerced America into allowing drilling in it's pristine wild life reserves so they can continue raking in the billions. We've seen this ugly gasoline cycle over and over. As soon as American's wake up and begin to conserve, Standard, Gulf, Union 76 will drop the prices and the whole hellish cycle starts again. If the oil industry did not own America, citizens would have to support public transportation, bike riding would surge, obesity would be obliterated and innovations in transportation would flourish.

Today, we watch the banking, credit card and finance industry show its hand with this latest legislative atrocity. They baited this hook with low interest rates (i.e., cheap money), trolled for years to attract large schools of fish and are now hauling us in. With the passage of this bill debtors have no recourse but to pay off the tens of thousands of dollars of debt accumulated over the years. Like those cute little Koi fish trapped in ponds all over the world, we've been trained via daily junk mail, television ads, telemarketing calls, blah, blah, blah to rush blindly and gobble up any new Wells Fargo or BofA credit deal that comes along and we're attached to these surrogate motherf'ers with an almost unbreakable umbilical cord of credit. The finance industry is now raking in billions and with this legislation will continue doing so for decades to come.

The Bush family represents oil and banking interests and they have richly rewarded both of these industries with tailor made legislation such as this bankruptcy "reform" law.

Time to cut the credit card umbilical chord to these bloodsuckers and live within our means. As payback, I would also suggest we CONSERVE! That's the best way to extract retribution for their manipulations and brainwashing tactics. Ignore them. Do not support them. Remember when the Governator lies about "privatization" being more cost effective and efficient what corporations are in this world to do: make you spend your money on their product and turn a profit.

The foxes should not be in charge of the hen houses because they will eat those they are supposed to serve. (Reminder to self: stay out of hen houses and keep the foxes out of government.)

May all beings know love and peace. *Yes, that includes hens and... gulp foxes.*

Saturday, April 2

On This Day...

A beautiful soul was given to the world.

Vincent. He was intelligence, energy, adventure, music, humor, arrogance, humility, wisdom, discipline, compassion, pride, example, love. He was my father. He was a precious guide who still leads.

Love each other.

Thursday, March 31


".., And we live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from,
'Cause everybody here's got somebody to lean on."
-Coldplay - Don't Panic

Something is working right in the cosmos today.
Rwandan Hutus end armed struggle .

There are more things to be grateful for and I'll be looking for them.

Legally Blind Iowa Golfer Gets an Ace . This moment of gratitude is for my friend Terry!

Happiness is Back. This moment of gratitude is for Dr. Mark! He's got some 'splaining to do.

Update on April 11... India and China sign border deal and

UAE to use robots not children as camel jockeys!

May all beings know love and peace.

Wednesday, March 30

Rare and Wonderful

I’m not a big fan of poetry. I like it plain, easy-to-understand, and profound. I like Robert Creeley’s words and how he arranges them. He passed away today with his family by his bedside.

Now I recognize
it was always me
like a camera
set to expose

itself to a picture
or a pipe
through which the water
might run

or a chicken
dead for dinner
or a plan
inside the head

of a dead man.
Nothing so wrong
when one considered
how it all began.

It was Zukofsky's
"Born very young into a world
already very old..."
The century was well along

when I came in
and now that it's ending,
I realize it won't
be long.

But couldn't it all have been
a little nicer,
as my mother'd say. Did it
have to kill everything in sight,

did right always have to be so wrong?
I know this body is impatient.
I know I constitute only a meager voice and mind.
Yet I loved, I love.

I want no sentimentality.
I want no more than home.
-- Robert Creeley

May all beings know love and peace.

Saturday, March 26

Heal Me

Ain’t it crazy
For a moment there
This felt just like dying
But now I see that something inside
Is coming alive
Ain’t it crazy

No use running from a revolution
I just surrender to this evolution
Heal me lift me
Take me to the other side
Amazing grace
Has touched my face
And the sweet sound doesn’t lie
Ain’t it crazy

For a moment there
I just gave up trying
But now I see
You can let the light in
You can begin again
Ain’t it crazy

I lay me down in this sweet perfection
I am a witness to my resurrection
Heal me lift me
Take me to the waterside
Drop me in let me swim
Let everyone knowI’ll be coming home again
Make no mistake
I’m wide-awake
Ain’t it crazy

Heal me lift me
Take me to the other side
I’ll take what I’ve earned
These lessons I’ve learned
I’m ready for the ride
Heal me lift me
Take me and my soul will fly
My battered heart will make a new start
Let everyone know
I’ll be coming home again

Heal me lift me
Take me to the waterside
Drop me in
Come on and watch me swim
Let everyone knowI’ll be coming home again

-Melissa Etheridge, Skin Album

I am happy. It feels good. I am learning to go deeper into “the moment.” Plunging into these depths is exhilarating, frightening, new, and refreshing. At this stage in my education, I realize that the goal is to string together each deep moment and forge a mesh of silent awareness.

This mesh of awareness shines of beauty, of healing, of forgiveness, of acceptance and of attraction. It is weightless, stronger-than-steel, warm or cool depending on my need, and it grows. Moment to moment, the mesh breaks down and it transforms and it renews itself, stronger than ever before.

The deepest moment is art. It heals, just as it should.


May all beings know love and peace.

Monday, March 21

Remove the Feeding Tube...

..from the "Culture of Life" movement.

I have known people who have refused to eat, who have refused to take medications, who have simply willed themselves to die rather than live like Terri. What did she do to deserve this hell on earth? I have a living will, signed, notarized, and ready to stop any American President, Senator, or Congressman who wants to use my tragedy to promote their “culture of life” political campaign.

It is apparent, however, that today’s legally binding document could be tomorrow’s fond memory if the Bushites continue their pre-emptive strikes against States Rights and the judiciary. This is the big issue.

An even bigger issue, though, is the continuing horror of the Iraq War. Today is the second anniversary of the Invasion of Iraq. I have not heard a peep out of the Bushites about the “culture of death” they have promoted by killing and/or torturing thousands of Iraqi men, women, and children. The same people who are castigating Michael Schiavo for pursuing a peaceful end to Terri’s ordeal are the very ones who eagerly believed and spread the myth of WMD in Iraq so they could unleash the bunker bombs on the Iraqi population.

I care about Terri’s quality of life, her responsiveness to stimuli, and her continued existence only because her story is all over the media. She’s bigger than Michael Jackson right now and I think that is the real crime behind this whole mess. Her family stole her identity and sold it to the Bush-marketing machine.

May all beings know love and peace.

Thursday, March 17


He was a truly forceful (i.e., kick ass) Catholic missionary, among many other interesting things. The Druids never had a chance.

Per StevieR, "Let's all knock back a Guinness for everything Irish today."

Hmmm, wonder if they sell it at Trader Jo's.

May all beings know love and peace.

Tuesday, March 15


This is an interesting word. When it's used as a noun, it identifies a fungus that is often edible, sometimes psychedelic and occasionally poisonous. The word has endless descriptive possibilities.

Lately, it's been used as a verb in sentences trying to explain or accurately describe many aspects of our current government. I know when I hear any government person utter a phrase with the verb "mushrooming" (e.g., "mushrooming trade deficit", "mushrooming federal bureaucracy", "mushrooming prison population") he or she is sending a clear warning that non-rich Americans should get ready for a beating. I suspect the code will change soon, just to keep us off guard. I think the word is wasted in this context, frankly.

Any word that is part of the phrase, "mushroom cloud", does not deserve to be linked with the current government's domestic damage-fest. It should be reserved for the big stuff: the Bushites vendetta against Iran, or North Korea, or some other axis of blah, blah. I guess Condi has China in her sights now, and who knows when she'll be urging ol Bush to put the fear of "mushroom clouds" into the missing brains and hearts of those patriotic, red-state Americans.

Supposedly there is a "mushrooming" Republican backlash against the administration's mission to completely dismantle the world, beginning with the USA. Complete misuse of this word. Any word this noble and diverse should not be connected to the word "Republican." I shudder to hear the word "backlash" connected to the repugs as well! It gives me terrifying visions of floggings, orange jump suits and televangelist sex scandals. Maybe "Republican backlash" more accurately describes the "mushrooming self-flaggelation" these people must enjoy. Hey, some people really like pain. I didn't realize so many of them lived and voted in America.

May all beings know love and peace.