"Crash And Burn"
"When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart.
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you.
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold.
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore.
Let me be the one you call.
If you jump I'll break your fall.
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart.
If you need to crash then crash and burn.
You're not alone..."
-Savage Garden, Affirmations
I've been haunted by two news stories the past few days.
The first story is about the FBI informant from Yemen who set himself on fire in front of the White House last Monday. He became dangerously unhinged because he is unable to leave the US to see his dying wife in Yemen. Mohamed Alanssi's story is probably an epic of bad luck and bad decisions. How else would he wind up ignored, betrayed and desperate in America? I'm fascinated with this man and his mission. It's obvious that loss and grief have propelled him into the oncoming traffic called suicide, but maybe not.
The second story is about Anna Nicole Smith, the Hollywood celebrity with the huge boobs and seemingly minute brain, who set her tattered reputation on fire in front of the American Music Awards audience in Los Angeles last Sunday. Here is a woman who married a fabulously wealthy sugar daddy, fought for her riches, has her own TV show, and can do and say anything. She shouldn't be slurring her words and stumbling around Hollywood while spouting boring trash, but for some reason, that's what she's done. There is a story here that goes beyond the Hollywood bio. I'd like to say I'm disgusted with her decadence but I'm fascinated instead.
Somewhere between the informant from Yemen and the platinum blonde from Texas there is common ground. Unfortunately, the common ground these two polar opposites inhabit is filled with self-destruction and abject loneliness.
From the news reports, Alanssi's desperate act is a protest against his forced separation from his wife and family and it's understandable that he feels isolated in an alien land that probably despises him. His loneliness seems inevitable and tragic.
Anna is another story, though. She's a living, breathing cartoon living in a hedonistic world of "me, my body" shallowness that embarrasses Americans these days. People who never wander near the suicide-ravine wonder how a person with so much of everything can have so little self respect and respect for others. Smith's loneliness seems avoidable and comic isolating her even more from normal compassion and care.
Neither of them are really alone. People I've talked to who have attempted suicide and come out the other end in one piece have themselves to thank, but they each acknowledge that simple human kindness made the effort worthwhile.
One of my most powerful memories is when I was leaving the Pasadena Superior Court after failing to convince the juvenile court judge of my son's innocence. I stepped into the packed elevator feeling burdened, sick at heart and very alone. A tall man with a gold tooth glanced my way and gave me the warmest, most understanding smile I've ever seen. I smiled back. It was like a secret code. I felt such relief that another human had reached out with a little warmth. Amazing what a genuine smile can do. It sure saved my day.
Simple. Human. Kindness.
